Chapter 15--The Transfer

I find that writing is a way that I can really express what I am feeling. It will be 1 year tomorrow.  You may find it odd that I am blogging on Clayton Mission Adventures. However, I feel the need to finish

 Chapter 15--The Transfer

So I can move forward. 

Becoming a member of the elite group called "Widows" is the hardest thing I have ever done since I came to this earth. I have learned that my trials in life will be different than your trials. But whatever life throws our way is to help us most in our earthly progression. At some point in everyone's life, we will be given the opportunity to give up something that we really don't want to give up. If we can't change the circumstance, then we have two choices. We can resist it,  (we all know how that turns out--anger and  sadness and hopelessness,) or we can accept and embrace it--which leads to the beginning of peace and understanding, and eventually finding a new normal filled with joy and happiness. 

First and foremost I want to bear witness that our Father in Heaven knows the end from the beginning. Our lives are perfectly orchestrated and hand written by a loving Father. We are loved and carried by our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through him and because of him, all wrongs will be made right and we will be able to return to live with our loved ones and our Father above one day. Sooner than later I hope. 

(Take note of the light streaming from above onto my back. Also note the disc shaped orb encircling my body. We'll discuss this later. )

My last blog post, (which was a week before we came home from our mission in New Zealand), went something like this:

 "Dwight woke up from a dream this morning and said to me, "I had the strangest dream last night. I was reading a book and I finished Chapter 14. As the pages turned, I saw that Chapter 14 was our mission in New Zealand! As Chapter 15 came into focus, it was blank and hadn't been written yet. I can't wait to see what Chapter 15 brings our way!"

We sat down and went through the major events of our life and by golly, we were about to embark on Chapter 15! I now understand why Chapter 15 wasn't written down. 6 months after returning home, he died from Covid.

 We had so many plans. We had just retired and could finally do all those things we had planned together for the past 45 years. Little did I know that Chapter 15 would include his transfer to another realm. I was suppose to grow old with him and spend the rest of our life together.  But then I realized he DID spend the rest of his life with me!  He loved me till the day he died. And we will keep loving each other until the day that we are together again. 

                                                    Chapter 15--The Transfer

Dwight's been transferred. Transferred to a holier sphere. Pretty sure he had a grand reunion with his Father, Ed who died when Dwight was 18. His mother Beth, who has been gone 15 years. Also his brothers, Vince and Ross. My Dad, John Hrubes and of course, my mother Santa. Yes, her given name was Santa Eve. (You thought she was born on December 25 didn't you!) Santa was born July 13. (She was the youngest of 11 children. Maybe Grandpa and Grandma ran out of names.) My mother was a hard working, bible bashing, Book of Mormon giving, strong willed woman. Anyone that knew mom knows that she is on the other side teaching, preaching, and converting. After Dwight died, my brother Brad asked me, "What was the first thing Mom said to Dwight?" We are pretty sure she hugged him tight, slapped him on the back and said, "Thanks for taking such good care of your wife and children. Now hurry and get your hello's out of the way, we have work to do." And then my dad would have said to her,  "Mother, give the boy some time!"

There have been so many tender mercies and miracles that have happened in the past year. I have been carried and enveloped in love by angels from both sides of the veil. There has been such an outpouring of love, prayers, fasting, and generosity that our family is overwhelmed. Most of my tears come from yet another gift of kindness, love, or support--financially and emotionally. We truly needed each one of you in our lives during this time. Thank you for mourning with us. I just pray Father will lift one of your burdens!

November 2018

Rewind back to how this all transpired. God is truly in charge. I remember the fear, the pit in our stomachs, the uncertainty, when Dwight went to a regional meeting for work and found out that his job of 25 years was going to change dramatically or possibly end. Several Facilities Managers would be let go. Dwight was scheduled to retire in March of 2020.  My patriarchal blessing says that Father in Heaven is aware of my trial and tribulation and the need for opposition in all things so my faith can be developed. Then the next paragraph tells me I will have joy and happiness in life, but I must experience the bitter with the sweet.  Life really has proven that to be the case, so in our mortal eyes, all we could see was "and yet another trial..."

I don't recall the exact number of Facility Managers that were going to be let go in the Region. Somewhere around 12 FM's. Only 5 severance packages would be offered. We prayed fervently to know what to do and decided to go against the odds, retire, and hope for a severance package. Dwight was too young for Social Security and retirement would severely change our comfortable lifestyle with the pay decrease until he was old enough to receive his retirement.

On our first date, Dwight got the housekeeping details out of the way immediately. The only way he said he would marry me is if I agreed to serve a mission with him when we grew old. I thought that was a bit presumptuous on a first date. Needless to say, we had been planning to serve a mission--(MANY MISSIONS) for 45 years. 

We did retire, we did get a severance package, and we had just enough money each month to meet our mission payment until retirement would start. We started our paperwork for our mission in January, received our mission call in April, retired May 30, and left on our mission August 27, 2019.  

We moved out of our house in Bismarck in June, sold almost everything, purchased a green metal storage container that we lovingly called "Kermit", and stored the household goods we were planning on keeping. Kermit was placed on Carli and Ryan's farm in Sidney, MT. We lived out of our suitcases for two months, and visited our 8 children and 36 grandchildren the summer of 2019.

           TIMING

It's all about timing. Dwight was scheduled to retire March 2020.  The world as we knew it came to a screeching halt in March of 2020. Entire nations locked down, borders were closed, church attendance was virtual via ZOOM, temples closed, travel was limited, store shelves were empty, shortages were everywhere. People started working from home. Had we not retired, we would not have been able to leave on our mission when we did. That promise to serve along side him would never have happened. I'm just grateful the Lord is aware of each one of us and knows the end from the beginning. When we opened our mission call and it said we were called to the New Zealand Hamilton Mission, our jaws dropped. When we filled out our mission papers, we wrote down that we would serve wherever the Lord needed us in any capacity. What a gift we were given to be able to spend an 18 month honeymoon in paradise! Granted we did work more than quite a bit, drove dozens of wrecked cars to the panel beaters, picked up stranded missionaries and wiped tears from Missionaries that had just wrecked their car, sat with missionaries in the ER, fed multitudes of missionaries for Zone Conferences and MLC, and cleaned out several really, really dirty, gross flats. But we did it together. And it was a great 18 months. The friendships we made, our New Zealand Whanau, the love we had and still have for our missionaries and President and Sister Erekson, is eternal.  And we saw New Zealand from the West coast to the East coast and everything in between. 

Sunday, September 8, 2019 

(Two Days before our flight to New Zealand)

We attended the Missionary Training Center for two weeks. We had a crash course training on our responsibilities in the Mission. We were scheduled to fly to New Zealand on September 10. The Taylors, the mission couple we were replacing, extended their mission because New Zealand was not processing Visas and for several months prior to our arrival, missionaries had to become Visa waiters and be reassigned in a different mission for 3 or 4 months until their Visa could be approved. The Taylors were shocked that we had no visa problems and would arrive on our scheduled date. But alas, the old "opposition in all things, so our faith could be strengthened" reared it's ugly head.  

Dwight's left arm and neck started to hurt him. Our first thought was a heart attack. We spent our last Sunday with family which was cut short by an ER visit late that afternoon. The doctor took an x-ray of his left shoulder and told him he needed immediate rotator cuff surgery and would have to postpone our mission for at least 6 months. It was a solemn drive home. 

Dwight in ER 2 days before we were to fly to New Zealand

Diedre drove us to the Emergency Room. On the somber ride home in her car, she straightened her small frame and said, "You ARE going on your mission. We are going to have a family fast and you WILL be healed. You WILL board that plane to New Zealand on Tuesday!" DeDe said it, We believed it. That settled it. Caleb and Sam gave Dwight a blessing. We started a family fast. We continued on as if we were leaving and by September 10, 2019, the shoulder was healed, and we bid our family farewell for 18 months and boarded the plane. 

New Zealand

New Zealand is a lovely place. I've heard it said that when Enoch, his people and their land was translated, the land was dropped in the South Pacific and it became New Zealand. If you have not been to New Zealand, make that #1 on your bucket list. Make sure you eat several cream buns, pavlova, real fruit ice cream, visit the Raglan Branch, go outside just as the sun rises to hear the happiest birds on earth sing, breath the clear fresh air, smell the flowers and grab a fresh passion fruit, feijoas, or grapefruit off the tree for breakfast. (It will taste the way fruit tasted in 1969.) Go to the west coast beaches with a magnet because the black sand is magnetic! Go to the East coast and enjoy the pure white sandy beaches.  And don't forget to greet everyone with a kiss on their right cheek. What a lovely tradition. I have never been kissed so much in my entire life. Pretty sure I need a New Zealand fix. Right now. 

March 2020

When Covid hit, all foreign missionaries were sent home. I've already blogged that experience. Our mission went from just under 200 to 49.  We received an email stating that senior missionaries should return home as well. After sending all of our young foreign missionaries home, and we caught our breath, a  decision had to be made regarding the fate of the New Zealand Hamilton Senior Missionaries. Every couple that attended the MTC with us--those serving in Greece, France, Korea, etc--had returned home. We had a strict lockdown in New Zealand. New Zealand averaged about 16 COVID cases in the entire country at any given time. As citizens of New Zealand would return home to New Zealand, they were confined to motels to quarantine for two weeks. We all felt we were safer there than trying to go back to the United States. I will never forget an email we received from Elder & Sister Croft who were serving in Gisborne. (Pronounced Gis-bin.)  "We don't want to go home. We would rather go down with the ship before going home!" Only two senior couples went home and that is because thy were scheduled to go home within the month. 

During that down time, I had my left hip replaced. I was promised in a blessing that I would be back at my desk in the front office quickly. God is good. I was back in the saddle in 3 weeks. We loved serving along side Elder and Sister Folland in the office. My laugh lines deeply increased during the 15 months we served with them. We also learned to love the Atkins, Gardners, Schofields, Hellewells, Despains, cLaytons, Baxters, Crofts, Snows, Coltons, Garliks, Stanfords, Harwoods, Thackers, Sisters Epperson, Foxx, and Willis, and The Parkers.  And then there was President and Sister Erekson. Everybody always says their mission president and wife were the best, but ours really was the best. We are better people for having served along side the Ereksons. Sister Erekson oozes love, kindness and Christlike characteristics. She rolled with the punches and always made everyone feel like they were special. President Erekson's mold was thrown away after he was born. My favorite part of my mission was listening to him speak. He has a way of making you laugh and cry and feel the spirit all at the same time. He had a story for every occasion. He was the perfect fit for Dwight and I. Our testimonies were strengthened and our love for the Savior increased while serving under him. And he always knew when I needed a vanilla coke from the frig in his office. Thank you Sister Erekson for always keeping it stocked! 

Three months before we were scheduled to return home, President called Dwight into his office and asked what our plans were when we returned home. Well, guess what. We had no plans because we didn't know. We had no house, no car, no food storage (heaven forbid on that one) President said, "Well then, you should extend. The couple that is suppose to replace you can't enter New Zealand due to border restrictions." We pondered this opportunity for four weeks. It just didn't feel right. I'm glad we listened because Dwight was gone 6 months later. When we finally told President we were not going to extend, the miracles started to happen. A couple from Auckland, the Gardners, called President and wanted to serve a mission! We had replacements. Dwight woke up one morning soon after and said to me, "I wonder if Ryan needs a bus driver. I think I would like to do that. We should move to Sidney, since our left over belongings are in Kermit in Sidney." That evening, I called Carli and presented the idea. She replied, "Well, funny you say that, Ryan and I were just talking about how we need a bus driver for the Brorson route." We told them to keep their eyes and ears open for a home for us to rent. Within a few weeks, through many more miracles,  Ryan had secured a beautiful,  new home for us. We rented it sight unseen. We knew it was where we were suppose to be. 

Christmas 2020

The New Zealand Hamilton Mission, covers the middle of the North Island. We were encouraged to stay in our mission. We traveled the mission from east to west, north to south, Beach to beach, Mountain to Mountain, with everything in between including Hobbits, Hangi's, Haka's, Maori Marae, waterfalls, and speed boat excursions. Of course it was usually in a car without a fender, a smashed in trunk, scrapes from the front of the car to the back, and a frame so bent we would arrive home with shaken head syndrome from the wobbly car.  We were told from the day we arrived that you can't go to New Zealand and not visit the South Island (Unless your name starts with a C and ends with an N and you are on a fixed income with no retirement income until March 2021.) It was not in our plan to spend the last 8 days of our mission in the South Island. On Christmas Eve, the Senior missionaries had dinner with President and Sister Erekson. I had purchased a really classy door mat for them that said something about Aotearoa (the Maori name for the Land of the Long white cloud--New Zealand) on it for $9.99. We presented our door mat to them early in the evening. We were the last ones to leave. As we were putting our shoes on to go out the door, Sister Erekson handed me an envelope. She whispered, "Open this when you get home."

President had met with a travel agent and planned the trip of a life time for us in the South Island. Christchurch, Milford Sound Cruise, Helicopter ride over the glaciers, Train ride across the island, a rental car, bus trips, and on and on and on. Dwight and I have only been on two vacations in our married life. Once to Kenosee waterslide in Canada with the Steffens, and once to church history sites with our friends the Van Scivers. Our entire life of vacations has consisted of going home to visit parents or married children or attending a baby blessing or baptism of a grandchild. Dwight and I cherished every moment of this unbelievable experience in the South Island. It was the cherry on top of the sprinkles on top of the whipped cream. It was a grand way to finish our mission. 

 

I weep every time I think of our South Island experience. So many memories, experiences, and pictures. Dwight had a lifelong dream to go under a waterfall. He did just that on our cruise through Milford Sound! The pictures I have are invaluable.  Did the Ereksons know? Did they have any idea what was going to happen 6 months after we returned home? Such good, kind, giving, selfless people. And we gave them a door mat!  "Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy your door mat. Tell yer folks we says hello!"  We gave them a door mat.

(President is going to be so mad that I blogged this...I'll ask forgiveness later. I did that a lot.)

March 2021

Home

When we arrived in Sidney, we walked in to our new home that had been completely set up. Our bed was even made with MY pillows! Ryan and Carli had arranged for ward members to move our belongings out of Kermit into our new house. We came home to a furnished house. There was even food in the pantry. I don't know who the angels were that helped, but I am eternally grateful for them. Thus began:

Chapter 15

Dwight spent the summer getting his CDL and learning the ins and outs of being a bus driver. We spent many hours traveling to spend as much time with family as we could. We had a family reunion with all in attendance in June. We took our last family picture with Dwight. He did his infamous "Lion Hunt" for the last time. He made milk shakes for 57 with his concrete mixer for the last time. He made Shrimp Boil for the family for the last time. We all sang together as a family for the last time. We had 3 new babies about to arrive. We had 7 baptisms coming up. 2 graduations. We were gearing up to submit mission papers for summer 2022. Life was looking exciting. 

We were vaccinated August 24. 

We both started feeling sick the beginning of September.  We both tested positive for COVID. It was the Omicron variant.  By Saturday, September 4, breathing was laborious for both of us. Dwight was sicker than I was.  We couldn't get Dwight's oxygen level out of the 80's. His breathing was very shallow. He got to a point that he had a hard time forming thoughts and sentences. I should have taken him to the doctor days before. We were both sick and weak. Dwight became very sick very fast. We lost our taste and smell. We had sore throats, headaches, exhaustion, body aches and breathing was a chore. Dwight fell out of bed on Tuesday night and couldn't figure out how to move his legs to get himself up. I finally got him up and back to bed and early in the morning he went to the bathroom and fell again and hit his head on the wall. This time, he wasn't coherent. I called 911 and the ambulance came. It had turned into COVID Pneumonia. 

I went to the hospital in the ambulance with Dwight, and he was admitted. I was sent home. Because of COVID restrictions, he was in the hospital, alone. I was quarantined to home. Alone. So many people dropped food and medicine off on my door step during that time. Carli or Ryan came by every day and we would talk through the door. Friday the 10th was the last time he spoke. He went into a coma. Alone. I was sick and had a fuzzy brain and had a hard time comprehending what the Doctor was telling me. Caleb became the person that got all the rotten calls from the Hospital first, regarding Dwight's journey. That is an awful position for anyone to be put in. He handled it very gracefully. He was a hospital administrator at the time and had a great understanding of what was happening as the Doctors communicated to him. He would then call all of the siblings and me on a conference call to keep us updated. When the phone would ring at 2 am, our hearts would sink anticipating what message this call would bring. It was a yo yo of emotions. Dwight would rally one minute but by afternoon, his kidneys would be shutting down. He would start breathing on his own then the next call said his blood pressure dropped. Then he would rally again and three hours later his liver enzymes were wacky. It was exhausting. 

Sunday morning, my oxygen level was dipping in the 80's.  I felt like I was suffocating. I needed to go to the emergency room. I couldn't drive myself. I called Ryan. I wasn't going to pay for yet another ambulance ride. Carli was due to have her baby at any moment. Ryan and Carli COULD NOT get COVID with a new baby on the way.

 Bless my sweet son in law's heart--he figured it out. He borrowed a travel trailer from a friend in the ward and brought it to my house. Anyone that came near me would have to isolate for 2 weeks. Our home is 9 miles from town. I climbed in the travel trailer and had the bumpiest ride of my life to the hospital. I spent the day in ER and was informed that my husband, alone in ICU a few doors away needed to be intubated and they were looking for a hospital that could care for him that had an available bed. They weren't very hopeful that he would even survive the life flight trip to whatever hospital they could find. Every hospital in Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota, Minnesota, Idaho, Utah, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, was overflowing with Covid patients. We had to wait for someone to die before a room would open up to help my husband. I had breathing treatments, IV's, medicine, etc. Throughout the day, the head nurse would pop in and give me updates on Dwight. They found a hospital with an opening in Washington! But by the time they found an available life flight, the room had been taken. Then she came in later and there was an opening in Missoula. Once again, someone else took that bed before they could get Dwight on a plane. Once my oxygen level was stabilized, I was sent back home early evening. The head nurse came in and had the best news of the day. A bed had been secured in Denver, Colorado and he would be leaving early Monday morning. I had not seen my husband since Wednesday. She looked at me and I will never forget the compassion she had in her eyes as she said, "Would you like to say goodbye to your husband?" It was against hospital protocol to allow me to see my husband. I'm pretty sure she broke every rule in the hospital that day. But she gowned me up, masked me, and wheeled me into ICU, much to the dismay of the ICU nurse. There was a heated discussion about me being there and how this was against hospital policy and she would make sure my nurse was fired. My sweet nurse looked at her, stated very calmly she would accept all responsibility, threw open the ICU doors and I was by my husband's side. I knew at that moment this would be my last time I would see my husband alive on this earth. He was ashen colored, was intubated, and unconscious. The gurney was so high I couldn't reach his face to kiss him good bye. I laid my head on his chest and heard his heartbeat for the last time. I don't think his spirit was there. What do you say to your best friend of 45 years when you have 30 seconds? I had nothing except to let him know I loved him and everything would be ok. One of my favorite things about Dwight was the way he smelled. The smell of his skin always set well with my soul. I smelled him for the last time, I laid my head on his chest and touched his silver hair for the last time, and thanked him for the best of a good life. They hospital told us he probably would not survive the flight to Denver. 

They wheeled me away, I crawled back into the travel trailer. Ryan dropped me off at home, and Dwight arrived in Colorado at the hospital early Monday morning September 13. He had survived the flight, but we were told that the outcome would have been more positive had he arrived 3 days earlier. 

Dede had Covid earlier in the year and was fully vaccinated. When I went into the hospital Sunday morning, Dede left her husband and 8 children at home, and drove 850 miles to come stay with me. She arrived late Sunday night. 

2:00 am zoom calls became the normal

Tuesday, September 14  11:30 pm

Caleb received a phone call from the Hospital in Denver and we were told that three major organs had shut down--liver, kidneys, and heart and it was time to gather to say goodbye. Carli was due to have her baby any second, Lindsay could not leave Ashlee, Dede had just arrived in Montana, Celeste was in Texas, and the other 5 were in Utah. It was determined that Celeste, Dede, Caleb, Sam, Mackenzie and McKenna would take a red eye into Denver. I didn't have the strength to go and I would not have been allowed on the plane anyway. The only available flight for Dede was 2 1/2  hours to drive to the airport in Dickinson, ND, Celeste had to catch a plane from San Antonio. Caleb, Sam, Mackenzie and McKenna all flew on the same flight. Everyone met up at the airport early in the morning. They rented a van and hurried to the hospital. Caleb received a call that Dwight was failing and they needed to quickly get there. Of course they ran into road construction.

When they arrived at the hospital, only 3 of the 6 were allowed to go into the room to see Dad. 

All I can say is that I have some pretty amazing kids. It was decided that the boys would go in to give him a blessing, and McKenna should go in. The others watched through the window. 

The kids were shocked at the amount of medicine that was being used to keep him alive. 

The families that were left at home gathered together with the kids in Denver for our last Zoom call to say goodbye to our Father, Grandfather, Best Friend. 

One of our last zoom calls to say goodbye to Grandpa. My grandbabies were soooo sad. 

So were their parents. There were 57 of us and everyone had a chance to say goodbye over zoom. 

The boys gave him a blessing and released him and the machines were turned off and Dwight took 3 breaths on his own before he took his last breath at 11:41 am Wednesday, September 15, 2021. 

A sweet nurse took off his wedding ring, gave us a copy of his last heartbeat, and cut a lock of his gorgeous silver hair to bring home to me. 

Dwight's final heartbeat

Cause of death on Death certificate was Multi Organ Failure, Refractory Septic Shock,

Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, and Covid 19.

The kids were exhausted. They had been up for 36 hours. They went to the motel and went to bed. 

How to cope when you don't drink alcohol...

I don't remember much about the hours after his death. I was alone when they shut off the machines. Even though I was alone in my house, I had an abundance of comfort, peace, and love enveloping me. I felt the arms of the Savior around me. Holding me up, bearing my burden. 

Carli had her baby 2 days before Dwight's funeral. A little girl named Holly. Carli is a very caring soul. She was exceedingly upset that she could not be near us while we were sick and she couldn't be near me after Dwight's death. It was very traumatic for her.  Right after Dwight died, a friend of hers came to visit her and told her she had a dream about Dwight the night before. In this dream, Dwight came to our friend and told her to tell Carli that she needed to stop worrying about Leta. Carli's job was to relax and bring Holly into this world. Dwight told our friend in her dream that he would be with me throughout the days ahead and he would be holding me up during the funerals. Remember the picture from the beginning of this epistle? 

I WAS SUSTAINED. I was given strength beyond words during this time. Note the light flowing from above right on my back. Note the orb around me. Every picture that we took of our family had light and orbs around our family members. A photographer would have said that the pictures that were taken at the funeral were of very poor quality, but in our eyes, it is the most beautiful sight we have seen. In the live of these photos, the orbs are moving around us. There is life after death my friends. Our loved ones are around us. If only our mortal eyes could see. Here are a few more examples of the Orbs...

Every. Single. Picture.

We had a difficult time getting Dwight's body home from Denver. Due to Covid, airline flights had been cut back. The flights that were flying didn't have room for a coffin!

We couldn't fly him home. It took 10 days to find some random guy to drive Dwight back to Glendive. It was a costly adventure. He arrived the day before the funeral in Glendive. 

No words. Just lots of love.

Caleb and Sam had their final moments with Dad driving him to Utah to his final resting spot in the back of Sam's van...

My granddaughter, Katie's boyfriend, Ryan, ran for Dwight during one of his cross country races. 

 

In Washington DC, amidst the tough Covid losses, if you had lost a loved one from COVID, you could write your loved one's name on a flag and put it in the ground. A friend of one of my children wrote Dwight's name on a flag for us and planted it among the other Covid loses. 

My boys singing at the funeral

Saying goodbye for the final time

A few of my beautiful granddaughters at the cemetary

My two oldest granddaughters played "God Be With You" at the cemetery. Another Granddaughter played the Harp. No picture from the funeral, but here she is...

A few of the Grandchildren singing at Dwight's funeral. Several were sick. 

I was going through some boxes of STUFF the other day. I found the letters that Dwight and I wrote to each other during our engagement, the summer before we were married. Oh how I miss my boy. 

And this is the reason it's all ok. He knows. I am so thankful for my  Savior Jesus Christ. He knows and understands my sadness, my fears, my joy, my hope, my despair. I am so blessed to have my children and grandchildren. My friends. 

The sure knowledge that I will see him again and be with him. 

Whatever is, is right. 

"God be with you till we meet again..."

I can now end chapter 15.  

The End

CHAPTER 16

Not yet written. To be continued. 

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